Dreams are what keep us going in life. I had a dream that was utterly crushed today. Destroyed, annihilated. My dream was purchasing a jug of delicious McRib sauce and using it in amazing BBQ dishes for a looooong time.

Ever since I was a kid, when the McRib first came out, I have loved that sauce. Tangy barbeque perfection, distilled in a rich crimson sauce on a simulated rib patty. I had dreams. McRib sauce on chicken. McRib sauce mixed with mayo for French fries.

McRib sauce in my damned breakfast cereal. It was going to be glorious. But, no. Not so much.

I knew it would sell out fast, so I was diligent. I set a calendar reminder that duly notified me one hour prior to the sale. Then, I set an alarm for 0957 US EST this morning, the dark day of November 25th. When the alarm went off, I stationed myself by the computer and watched as the launch page, with a helpful timer, ticked down.

The microsecond that the button changed from “unavailable” to “buy now,” I jammed that sucker so hard my mouse squealed in protest. A window popped up telling me that my order had been filed, “two-minute wait.”

After a minute, I saw that my supposed two minutes would stretch into eternity, because some jackals with sniper software had beaten me decisively. SOLD OUT, the page said. Sold. F’n. Out.

You bastards, I thought.

How did I think, for even a second, that this would be in any way fair, or that McDonalds would have enough on hand to sustain a five-second supply?

How naive, and this will soon be the standard for many things dictated by our AI and Silicone Valley, rugged individualist overlords.

Crushed, I finished the dishes, mocked by my McRib sauce phantasms. Then, on a hunch, I decided to check eBay.

Observe.

This was posted FIFTEEN MINUTES AFTER THE SALE ENDED. Fifteen bloody minutes.

I’d guess that this seller has a real future in Washington, working for the Department of Human Services.

Unreal. Just shitty and unreal, but hardly a surprise in Our Year of the Lord 2024.